I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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