i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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