I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Randomize
