I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
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