he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
How drunk are you?
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