i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
