It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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