my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize