In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
