I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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