I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
