hotel room ftw
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
