peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
