ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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