garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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