There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
