Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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