I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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