I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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