The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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