Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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