my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize