so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
There was a lot of him and a little penis
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
