Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
