She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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