I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
