If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
