were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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