You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
