my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
