this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
