just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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