Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
