The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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