why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
