So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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