Fine. I'll sleep in my office
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
