He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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