Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
