I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
