So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize