The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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