I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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