She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize