I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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