the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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