A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Randomize
