oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
