Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Randomize
