Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
