I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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