theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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