No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
So much Jack, so little girl.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
