you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
