you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
