Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
