I wish I could teleport
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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