I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize