Don't you send me to vm
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
