just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
