My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
3pm strippers are depressing
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
