It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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