When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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