True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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