help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
