I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
