ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just found puke in my bra..
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
