on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
What a dumb baby whore.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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