Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize