Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
