Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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