im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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