Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize