you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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